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Emotions involving others can get very knotty for T's.
This person, to whom you pledged troth for a lifetime, will be the one most affected by your changes. Many, if not most, will feel that you have violated the marriage contract. And, even if they agree to stay with you, your relationship will change and both of you need to be satisfied with the new arrangement.
What if you keep it a secret? Don't. The biggest betrayal she/he will feel will be that you kept a secret from them. When you later spring the surprise, or are caught in flagrante, you'll simply look guilty. And they'll feel the fool.
Often, parents blame your "coming out" on themselves, their genes, their poor parenting — and they take out their frustration by denial, condemnation, grieving, or disinheriting. Before a final step of separation takes place, if possible, try to make them aware that 1) they are not responsible, and 2) you are not a mistake.
Transgenders appear regularly as a certain percentage of the population, regardless of parenting practices, genes, the wrath of God, or individual failings of any sort. It's not a failing at all, it's a fact of evolution.
If you need to reconcile, the answer is love. You must also recognize them for who and what they are, and they are still family.
Information and support for younger trans and others is at Trans Youth Family Allies.
If you have children, each one will have his or her response to your changes. Respect them all, even if you disagree. Colage is a website for kids of trans.
Again, responses will vary. Don't expect anyone to cheer, but some may come to like you better. Some may even have known before you did what you were really all about.
Anyone who has known you before will be unable to completely let go of those memories. But you have an opportunity with every new friend or acquaintance to be seen as you are now. They are a better mirror for you, in telling you (without words) how well your presentation is. Some friends may drop away; let them. You are a different person now.
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